dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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