had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize