He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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