You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize