He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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