apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
