thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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