So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
