My first STD was from a foam party
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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