dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
