well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize