At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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