My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
