I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
