That's intense
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
