what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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