is your mom at the bar?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
