I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
