You're my little dorito
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
