She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
