there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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