dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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