I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
