I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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