So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
