my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
