plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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