So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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