Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
