if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
