You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
