i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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