I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
