I can text with my tongue
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
