Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
