Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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