omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
