My sheets look like a crime scene.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
