Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
