my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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