Jerry, you need to find god
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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