East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize