You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
