I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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