i don't plan on having that self control this summer
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize