You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
