just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
