she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
