Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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