and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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