I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
