and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
