You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
