When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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