Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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