Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
