remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
