my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
love makes seman taste better
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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