i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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