Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
