every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
