im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
