i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
