So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
