At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
