just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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