I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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