Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
