Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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