Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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