i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
A+ Viking dick
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
