I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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