what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
