Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
